


Echoes

by theinvisiblestorm



Category: Star Trek
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:12:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4650069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinvisiblestorm/pseuds/theinvisiblestorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his last moments, Kirk revisits memories that hurt more than radiation poisoning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I am currently still writing the rough draft to this. This is only the second draft, and I have a bad habit of going through sections and editing or adding or completing. So, yeah. I hope you enjoy the story. :D

"It's a miracle!" Somebody exclaimed over the clamor of voices and relieved sighs.

"There are no such things," Spock murmured, more to himself than the lieutenant. The ship was currently regaining orbit. Had the warp core been repaired? An illogical sense of worry filled Spock, and he experienced an urge to investigate the cause of the ship's stabilization.

"Engineering to Bridge, Mr. Spock." A voice addressed him over the intercom. It was Montgomery.

"Mr. Scott," the Vulcan acknowledged.

"Sir, you'd better get down here. Better hurry." That was all it took to send the Vulcan running through the corridors. After all, it was only logical to expedite one's journey in the event of a crisis. Something tugged at the man's gut (figuratively, of course), an illogical intuition, and it told him that the captain was in danger. Breathless, Spock found Montgomery standing near the controls of the warp core expectantly. There was no sign of the captain. 'Not good,' thought Spock, his mind racing. Mr. Scott nodded to the decontamination room guarded with thick, durable glass and sturdy metal. No, no, no, no... Jim, his Jim, was haphazardly slumped against the glass door of the decontamination door.

"Open it." The words tumbled out before the young Vulcan could repress them. Even before he had finished speaking the words, Spock knew that it was impossible. Jim's life was waning away and no one could help him. Scotty shook his head apologetically.

"The decontamination process is nae complete, you'd flood the whole compartment. The door's locked, sir." Spock blinked and turned to face the young captain sitting behind a glass door. His own words rushed back to him, and he experienced an emotion that which humans call 'guilt'. 'You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk. A captain cannot cheat death.' More than anything, he wished that he could take back those words. 'Kaiidth. What's done is done.' Spock watched in silence as Kirk—no, Jim—pressed the button that shut the doors to the warp core. The blond man heaved a sigh of relief, his eyes fluttering shut. Jim looked up at Spock, and something flashed across his face.

"How's our ship?" He asked, breathless. Jim's vibrant, blue eyes were red-rimmed and eerily brighter than usual.

"Out of danger." Because of you. "You saved the crew."

"You.." Jim inhaled deeply. "You used what he wanted against him." Jim appraised him, looking proud. "That's a nice move." Complimenting Spock upon his deathbed. Only Jim Kirk.

"It is what you would have done." Spock's voice trembled in a very unbecoming way. What he said was true; Jim was quick, clever, and a good captain. Jim would do whatever necessary to ensure the safety of his crew.

"And, this... This is what you would have done," Jim gives a slight, humorless laugh."It was only logical." Spock realized that perhaps, he should have phrased his response more carefully. The good of the many-

"I'm scared, Spock. H-help me not to be... How do you choose not to feel?" The dying man begged, his voice wavering. Spock fought to keep his control. His lips trembled, and his jaw clenched. He shook his head.

"I do not know. Right now, I am failing." Kirk looked up to Spock in surprise.

"I want you to know why I couldn't let you die," Jim's eyes found Spock's. "Why I went back for you." Spock was again reminded of a past occurrence. It was the incident in which he had marooned Jim on Delta Vega. He'd left Jim to die without a single regret, but Jim could never do the same.

"Because you are my friend." Spock felt a tear plummet to the ground, followed by another. For the briefest moment, a strange emotion flashed across the captain's face, and were Spock human, he may not have noticed. That emotion was replaced with pain, and Jim exhaled sharply, his eyelids fluttering.

Jim put his hand to the glass, and watched as Spock touched the glass where it was with his own in the form of the Vulcan ta'al. Spock refrained from sobbing as he watched the effort it took for Kirk to imitate it. Jim's gaze drifted from their hands to Spock's face. Spock observed the intensity of Jim's eyes one last time, and watched as Jim's eyes no longer danced with the fire of his katra, for they were now distant and unfocused. A rage instantly filled the Vulcan, and he found himself flooded by the absurd desire to scream obscenities, the desire to avenge Jim's death. Khan's death was the only thing that could satisfy this rage. With his heaving breaths, and thundering pulse, Spock could not hear the light footsteps running closer. Nyota stopped short at the sight of the grieving man, and clapped her hands to her mouth. She was too late. The captain was gone.

"KHAAAAAN!"


	2. Obligation

The phrase, "I dare you to do better," taunted Kirk as he worked furiously. As soon as Scotty had followed him to the warp controls, he knew his plan: render Scotty unconscious, as the Scot would undoubtedly lay down his life to save the Enterprise. No. That was Jim's obligation. A captain's ship and crew came before the captain, himself. That was the life of a captain. So, he'd knocked out his comrade. Hopefully, there were no hard feelings after Kirk was gone. After all, he needed someone to take care of his fine ship once he was gone, and nobody was more qualified than Monty. Bits and pieces of his life reverberated in his mind as he kicked and hit and shoved and wheezed. All his life, he'd heard about George Kirk's sacrifice. All his life, people had pitied and underestimated Jim. Maybe all Kirks were destined to die in the line of duty. Maybe the Fates were against him. Kirk had always kind of known that he wouldn't grow old and grey, he wouldn't watch grandchildren play in the front yard. Hell, he'd never wake up next to the same person. Commitment and Jim Kirk weren't compatible. Abruptly, Jim felt exhausted, but the warp core still wasn't fucking aligned. Damn it all if he couldn't save his ship. Gritting his teeth, he poured all his remaining energy into pushing the core into place. He would save his ship. He would do this. Just when he thought he'd black out, the core aligned! Immediately, the ship stabilized. But, Kirk's energy had left him. It took him a painstakingly long time to climb down the warp core, limp toward the door, and finally fucking crawl to the decontamination room. (How humiliating.) He willed himself to inch toward the door to the rest of the ship. He needed to close the warp room hatch, and begin the process of decontaminating himself so that they could pick up his body for a proper funeral. Not that he had anyone to miss him. Spock certainly couldn't care less, Nyota hated him, Sam was busy, and his mom was probably still on a mission. 'It doesn't matter,' he told himself. His ship was safe. His crew was (mostly) alive. He could rest. A laugh gurgled and caught in his throat. In his exhausted haze, Jim distantly heard a familiar, deep voice saying something.

"Open it." The voice sent Jim's pulse racing. It also spiked feelings of adoration, annoyance, and amusement all at the same time. Peeking through his squinted eyes, Jim saw.. Spock? Impossible, Spock wouldn't entertain such an illogical thought.

"The decontamination process is not complete, you'd flood the whole compartment. The door's locked, sir." Scotty's heavily accented voice replied. Ah, so he wasn't hallucinating. Spock really was there, and really wanted to open the door? Of all people... He'd just been accepting his death, dammit! Why give him a reason to want to live when his time was up? But, of course. Jim Kirk never got what he wanted. The  Captain pressed the damned button that shut the warp room and initiated the decontamination process. Jim knew he had to say goodbye. As they made eye contact, Jim remembered Spock's words to him at the Kobayashi Maru trial. "You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk. A captain cannot cheat death." Oh, but a captain could wish.

 

 


	3. Sleep

A bright light illuminates pink-flushed eyelids. The odor of antiseptic and sanitary gloves prickles his nostrils. The all-too-familiar noises of Sickbay flood his ears. He hears Bones's anxious grumbling and shuffling a few meters away. Sleep has curled around him and settled itself in his limbs.  _It's so relaxing._ The man sinks back into the welcoming embrace of unconsciousness. 

~

Weeks have passed, yet Jim lies unresponsive. Nyota has expressed a wish to 'spend quality time together' but as of lately, Spock is preoccupied as Acting Captain. Spock makes it a priority to visit Jim whenever the Vulcan has free time. He fills paperwork, signs PADDS, he monitors the _Enterprise's_ refit while her captain recovers; he makes sure that Jim's sacrifice does not go to waste. Doctor McCoy is not only one of the most accomplished doctors in the 'Fleet, but also a key factor in Jim's survival, and for that, Spock finds himself grateful.  However, Doctor McCoy is a busy man, and the entire medical staff of the _Enterprise_  is attending to survivors. The incident with Khan resulted in many injuries and casualties. The Captain is only one amongst many, though Jim required a great deal more attention than most. He had needed urgent decontamination, irradiation, and the implantation of Khan's regenerative cells. The whole crew is bustling about to assist in repairs or on shore leave. Whether they are visiting loved ones, attending a funeral, or preparing for the  _Enterprise's_ next voyage, people are busy. Montgomery is busy with the workers in the depths of Engineering, updating, monitoring, repairing. Nyota is currently visiting her mother in her hometown of Kenya until further notice. Hikaru and Pavel are currently visiting the Chekov family in Russia and shall return within four weeks. So, Spock waits for his captain to recover. Jim  _will_ recover. Stillness and silence do not suit him.

~

Spock is in his quarters, composing death reports for families of the deceased when he receives a call from the good doctor. "It's Jim. He's responding. He'll be awake soon." Spock arrives at Sickbay in 3.408 Standard minutes. Within exactly two minutes of standing by Jim's side, he hears Jim inhale deeply. Flushed eyelids flutter and the Captain smiles lazily as his eyes find Spock next to him. The Vulcan holds his gaze, but finds himself  _distracted_ by a freckle near Jim's nose. He cannot look at Jim's bright cerulean eyes without memories of another time and place flooding his mind. It is irrational of Spock to feel fear. Jim is safe.  _  
_


End file.
